Pieces of me

I pulled out one of my scrap books tonight. I think I started and finished it in 2001. I was 17 years old. I laugh now, but looking back on this piece of my teenage mind, I see myself struggling to define who I was, and what I liked, and what I didn't. I struggled with the defintion of maturity. Struggled with the definition btwn love and infatuation. I wrote a lot about desire, sex, angst, inner strength, and taking risks. I have a ton of pictures of my good friends in here, and drawings and doodlings that really don't look that much different than what I can draw now. (I wish I could draw. Chu.) Really, none of this was my own work. Its quotes and clippings and pieces of other people that I stole for myself and made my own. But it's still mine.

Funny thing is ... not much has changed!

Here are a few of my favourite excerpts from this treasure trove.

"My slender waist and thighs were exhausted and weak from a night of cloud dancing."

- Huang O (1498-1869)

I can still feel

Your hands on my back

your kisses on my neck

your warmth close to me

but that is not what I will remember

I will remember how

your smile makes me glow

your words inspire my passion

your passion inspires my soul

That is what you do to me,

and I'll always remember.

- Soul Jo :)

"People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only is there is a light from within."

- Elizabeth Kulber Ross

"Why are you afraid of love Sita?"

"Because it has hurt you?"

I nod weakly.

"It has hurt all of us. Sometimes it seems that is all love is good for."

- "The Last Vampire: Phantom"

And my personal favourites... my like and dislike lists: (it's only a piece of it but please laugh with me .. i think this is hilarious. )

I like:

-scary movies

- foreign cultures

- feeling sexy

- starbucks

- bagels

- tube tops

- cookies

- good smelling guys

- Vodka Ting

- coconut smelling stuff

- bathing

- my freedom

- damn crebes

- Fame FM

- heart to heart convos

- big hugs

- finishing a good book

- writing in my journal

- accomplishing something

- getting letters

- silk boxers (for myself to wear to bed, i might add)

- being loved

- making someone else feel special

- warmth - the sun, the sand, the beach.

- biting

- warm bed on a rainy day

- guys wid noice bodies (i swear to you - i wrote that out)

- being a complete ass with my friends who dont care.

- the smell of weed

- getting long distance phone calls

- white fudge chocolate covered pretzels. (nom)

I dislike:

- missing my friends

- feeling dirty

- annoying people

- slushy snow

- confusion

- traffic

- litter

- being jealous

- long distance relationships

- nagging

- wearing nuff clothes

- when guys wear nail polish

- being left out

- stink breath

- putting something away so good that I can't find it

- being smothered

- broken promises

- racism

- being told what to do

- hypocrites

- backstabbers

- smoking .... the smell and the taste

I think its really hilarious that the first few things on each list, esp the "like" list, were superficial, material things. "Bagels, tube tops, and cookies." I kill myself. My likes list now would be much different - I would hope it would be a bit deeper, with a bit more character, and a lot more experience talking. What interests me is that even though i wasn't sure what I liked, I knew exactly what and who I didn't like at the time. I still don't like a lot of those things. Funny the way it is.