mmmmmm. languidity.

adding to my "must see" list.

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence."

- Frederick Douglass

just a couple.

"The essential conditions of everything you do must be choice,

love, and passion".

- Nadia Boulanger

<3

Spread 'em.

So remember when I was talking about working on my foot muscles? Well i splurged a likkle bit a couple days and bought toe spreaders. They're just like the ones that you put btwn your toes when you paint your nails, except instead of foam, they're gel.

ta-da!

(haha but I actually use them when I'm painting my toes too - so they're dual purpose :P Anything to justify splurging on myself. hee hee.)

So the point of toes spreaders is to work the muscles in your toes and feet in order to improve your overall posture and strength. I've been walking around with them for a couple hours @ a time, and mek mi tell you - I'm using muscles I didn't even know existed in my foot. I have SORE FOOT MUSCLES. Who has sore foot muscles?? I really love them tho. Since I broke my left foot earlier this year I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to get it back to its full strength - I've heard that you feel the repercussions for the rest of your life. But I think after working my feet with these - I'll be great!

I'm using them when I practice too, so I'll update you on that status as the months go by :)

The Definition of Maturity.

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or distruction.

Maturity is patience, the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favour of long-term gain.

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of opposition and discouraging set backs.

Maturity is unselfishness - responding to the needs of others, often at the expense of one's own desires or wishes.

Maturity is the ability to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.

Maturity is humility, it is being big enough to say "i was wrong." And right, the mature person need not say, "I told you so."

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spends their lives exploring endless possibilities, then do nothing.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word, comign through in the crisis. The immature are mast of the alibi-confused and disorganized. Their lives are a mass of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business, and good intentions which never materialize.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with what which we cannot change.

- unknown

muah.

Pieces of me

I pulled out one of my scrap books tonight. I think I started and finished it in 2001. I was 17 years old. I laugh now, but looking back on this piece of my teenage mind, I see myself struggling to define who I was, and what I liked, and what I didn't. I struggled with the defintion of maturity. Struggled with the definition btwn love and infatuation. I wrote a lot about desire, sex, angst, inner strength, and taking risks. I have a ton of pictures of my good friends in here, and drawings and doodlings that really don't look that much different than what I can draw now. (I wish I could draw. Chu.) Really, none of this was my own work. Its quotes and clippings and pieces of other people that I stole for myself and made my own. But it's still mine.

Funny thing is ... not much has changed!

Here are a few of my favourite excerpts from this treasure trove.

"My slender waist and thighs were exhausted and weak from a night of cloud dancing."

- Huang O (1498-1869)

I can still feel

Your hands on my back

your kisses on my neck

your warmth close to me

but that is not what I will remember

I will remember how

your smile makes me glow

your words inspire my passion

your passion inspires my soul

That is what you do to me,

and I'll always remember.

- Soul Jo :)

"People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only is there is a light from within."

- Elizabeth Kulber Ross

"Why are you afraid of love Sita?"

"Because it has hurt you?"

I nod weakly.

"It has hurt all of us. Sometimes it seems that is all love is good for."

- "The Last Vampire: Phantom"

And my personal favourites... my like and dislike lists: (it's only a piece of it but please laugh with me .. i think this is hilarious. )

I like:

-scary movies

- foreign cultures

- feeling sexy

- starbucks

- bagels

- tube tops

- cookies

- good smelling guys

- Vodka Ting

- coconut smelling stuff

- bathing

- my freedom

- damn crebes

- Fame FM

- heart to heart convos

- big hugs

- finishing a good book

- writing in my journal

- accomplishing something

- getting letters

- silk boxers (for myself to wear to bed, i might add)

- being loved

- making someone else feel special

- warmth - the sun, the sand, the beach.

- biting

- warm bed on a rainy day

- guys wid noice bodies (i swear to you - i wrote that out)

- being a complete ass with my friends who dont care.

- the smell of weed

- getting long distance phone calls

- white fudge chocolate covered pretzels. (nom)

I dislike:

- missing my friends

- feeling dirty

- annoying people

- slushy snow

- confusion

- traffic

- litter

- being jealous

- long distance relationships

- nagging

- wearing nuff clothes

- when guys wear nail polish

- being left out

- stink breath

- putting something away so good that I can't find it

- being smothered

- broken promises

- racism

- being told what to do

- hypocrites

- backstabbers

- smoking .... the smell and the taste

I think its really hilarious that the first few things on each list, esp the "like" list, were superficial, material things. "Bagels, tube tops, and cookies." I kill myself. My likes list now would be much different - I would hope it would be a bit deeper, with a bit more character, and a lot more experience talking. What interests me is that even though i wasn't sure what I liked, I knew exactly what and who I didn't like at the time. I still don't like a lot of those things. Funny the way it is.

Tonight my roommate gave me oregano drops to put under my tongue because we're both getting sick. Can I tell you they are some of the grossest things i've ever had. But I take them b/c (1) they're all natural and (2) I don't have time to be sick. Too much things to do, too many places to go, and too many people to see. Ugh. I can still taste this shit on my tongue tho, and let me tell you - I think I need to go rinse it with some mint tea behind her back.

But anyway. Aside from the strong taste,

Oil of Oregano Effectively Treats: Colds & Flues Skin Conditions Respiratory & Sinus Conditions Digestive Conditions Mouth Conditions Digestive Conditions Burns, Wounds, Cuts Sore Muscles & Joints

Just wish it didn't taste so .. *cough*.

I've been looking through my posts ... and all I talk about is myself. How boring!

No more lengthly blogs about myself. Let's find other things to explore :)

L is for the way you look at me :)

I've been thinking alot about love today.

L-0-V-E

4 letters that hold so much meaning to so many of us.

Actually I looked up the word "love" on dictionary.com and there are a total of 28 definitions and descriptions of the word love. (Big and serious - see for yourself! http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love)

Simply put - love is complex. And indeed - everyone has a different definition of love. Why do people have such a hard time defining that word? I asked a few people on my bbm today - "What does the word LOVE mean to you?" I got alot of differently worded answers, but they all had the same undertones. Simply put, love means acceptance, happiness, and comfort.

What does love mean to me? I can elaborate on the adjectives above. I think it means acceptance of who you are, and loving you despite your flaws. Love means to be selfless for the other person - to give yourself whole heartedly, with humility. You love the person no matter what they do, what they smell like, or what they might do for a living. Its unconditional.

But we humans are intricate beings, capable of millions of different emotions and actions. My definition of love sounds so straightforward, so simple. But I know that it's not like that. My friend Brianne said "It's the only other word besides "God" that is undefinable, indescribable." I agree with her for that reason. Yes, you can love someone with all your heart. But will it come to fruit? Do you think it's true when they say love holds no bounds? At what point do you decide/realize that you love someone else? What would you do for the person you love? When is love not enough?

And then throw life in there. Just add another layer of complication on.

All the different emotions that are involved in the feelings that two people have for each other can be so volatile. Emotional rollercoaster!

what do i .......

do for you?

connect my dots.

wow ... Tears me up inside.

Steps.

We've made millions of them during our lives.

We think about what the next one might be, and regret @ least 1 we've made in the past.

What's my next one? What do I want?

time to pretend.

"realist"

has shred all illusions from their mind.

is driven by desire for rationality.

prides themselves as a knowing being.

maybe i am an unrealist?

We all have our release. That thing that speaks to us, soothes our angsts, calms our souls and takes us away. Weed, sex, liquor or HBO - take your pick for your poison or method of choice.

Mine? Yoga. If it wasn't for yoga, I would probably throw my bicycle lock into someone's windshield. It not only gives me peace of mind and calms my nerves, but it also gives me time to think about my life. It's called a practice for a reason. It's not a game, where you play to win. It's called a practice because you work at getting better every time you're on the mat. I love the way it applies to life - we should all work towards improving aspects about ourselves - no matter how small.

I think the best way to do make anything better is to take it and strip it down to its essence. Break it down. Start from the beginning. And in yoga, that means, i mean that I'm trying to work on my feet muscles. Hahaha I know it sounds funny. But working on the small muscles in your feet actually helps to strengthen and align your entire foot. Posture is better, stance is better= poses are stronger, more solid = better practice. They always say that your building is only as strong as the foundation.

Building up from the foundation applies to everything. Relationships. Work. Health. Physical activity. If you work on the small stuff and the details, all the bigger things will fall into place. Something that I've noticed, especially relationships. I've been trying to work on the most important one recently - the one I have with myself. I used to shut my thoughts out, but now I embrace them. I give myself "Lauren time". I do what ever the hell I want - blog, yoga, lie in bed till noon - whatever. Doing all those likkle things makes me appreciate me and get to know myself juuuust a wee bit more. I dont think I've ever been in tune with myself as I am now.

I love it!

Holy smokes. It just hit me that it's October. Where did August and September go?!