Ponderations #1

I suppose when I'm hungover is the best time to write. That, or when I'm really tired, because the words and vocab jus flow out like water. Or maybe I'm just too tired to sort out thoughts in my brain or block out my subconsiousness so everyting jus comes thru.

I've been thinking alot about my life and everyting/everyone in it. I mean ... if you don't know me already, I'll give you the brief run nitty gritty. I'm 23 years old, living at home with my mother, been single for about a year, working at a yoga studio as a coordinator and writing for a magazine as the fashion consultant/editor. I have a handful of wonderful friends from all different kinds of groups and cilches, and a wicked family that I don't think I get to spend enough time with. I wish there was a way for me to spend more time with all these wonderful people and build these relationships as well as building myself and what I want to do in life.

I've been reflecting alot on what I want to do with myself recently, because I've decided that I need to move on from this place, i.e. Canada. I love it here in the summer time, I love the free health care, I love the network of friends that I've built here. But there's something about Canada during the winter - i.e. 8 months out of the year - that makes me horribly and utterly DEPRESSED. I think they call is the RASS CAWL WEATHER. Its taken me almost a f*@#ing decade to accept Canada as my home base instead of JA. (Note that I said "home base" - not HOME.)

So I guess what I'm working out right now is where I want to settle down for a likkle. Working out what I want to do in terms of a job. Its funny b/c I watched Vicky Christina Barcelona the other day (twice) and the character of Christina reminds me so much of myself. A girl who's just floating, trying out different things, unsure of what she wants, but knows what she DOESN'T want. I mean I'm not that bad, but the list of what I don't want slightly preceeds the list of wants.

which leads to self-discovery #3 ...

I'm a bona-fide FLAKE.