Ponderations: February 2009

A few thoughts...

So I was thinking ... I don't even know if anyone follows my blog. Not that I really care, this is more for my own personal documentation of things that I find funny/interesting/beautiful and any other emotions that ensue. I just like to share them online so that others can be subject to my random/silly/inconsequential thoughts.

In anycase, I haven't written anything for myself in the last few WEEKS - how unhealthy - I find myself in these creative slumps and I really should be writing more often. For some reason, my brain has been feeling rather mushy and to be honest - I feel like its disintergrating a likkle bit. It actually perturbs me greatly, so I've been trying to read more often. Picked up a few classic literature books, and finally got around to reading The Great Gatsby, which I have to say is one of the best books I've ever read in my whole life. The literary verbosity that flows from these pages is RIDICULOUS. I've had to read lines and pages over and over again just to let the resonance of his words sink into me ... and dude, I've actually get goosebumps and shivers when reading them. Words are SO sexy. Articulation and affluence at your craft is even hotter. MAN! I love that book. Maybe I'll share some excerpts ...

"When I came back from the East last autumn I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniformand at a sort of moral attention for ever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart. Only Gatsby, the man who gives this name to this book, was exempt from my reaction - Gatsby, who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn. If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensetivity to the promises of life, as if her were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away. This responsivness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the 'creative temperment' - it was an extraordinary gift of hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again."

woah. "no more righteous excursions into the human heart" ... "flabby impressionability" ... love it.

Joseph also pointed another AMAZING paragraph out to me.

"His heart beatfaster and faster as Daisy's whitehface came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed his girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a momentlonger to the ttuning-fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips' touch she blossomed for him like a flower and the incarnation was complete."

DAAYYYUUMMMMMMM SOONN!!!!!! WOOHOO! Estoy muy caliente!!

I stopped reading amother book by Fitzgerald to squeeze in Gatsby because a friend needed the book back in a week. This Side of Paradise was Fitzgerald's first novel, and it's really good as well. It's different from Gatsby, but a literary gem nevertheless. My favourite line so far is:

"The invitation to Miss Myra St. Claire's bobbing party spent the morning in his coat pocket, where it had an intense physical affair with a dusty piece of peanut brittle."

The power of words always gets to me. I suppose its from being a full time nerd when I was younger. As Kimmy likes to remind me - I would sit on my water bottle at lunch and read .. in HIGH SCHOOL. Now I'm just an undercover nerd, and read in coffee shops, parks, and in bed - much cooler establishments, and not sitting on water bottles - I doubt my backside could fit on one any more anyway. :P

Anyway. It's been an interesting few months for me, I feel like time is starting to pick up and fly, and now I'm going to have to get back to my life and make something of it. I'm so torn as to what to do next. I've learnt the hard way that growing up doesn't mean having an infinity bank account, or finishing university, or growing facial hair (clearly this doesn't apply to me, come on now) but instead, entails making a decision and sticking to it. I've realized that I am an incredibly FICKLE human being, more fickle than most, I feel, and that in order for me to mature a likkle, i am going to have to start making committments to certain things in my life.

#1. Myself. My dreams, my travels, my inspirations.
#2. My Education. I need to go back to school for something that I love, and that I'm truly interested and passionate about. I think I've found it, but I'm too afraid to make the jump and do it because maybe in 4 years and $70,000 later, I won't like it anymore.
#3. My hobbies. I say that I'm going to learn the piano again - and I started to take lessons - but I can't seem to make it a priority in my life. Amongst other hobbies that have dropped off in the last likkle while - knitting, scrapbooking and baking (which I had to actively stop because I was eating more than I was making - not good for profits and/or my bellie :P)
#4. My money. I need to start saving money and stop spending it on rubbish like boots and wine and hookers. (haha -What?!) How am I ever going to own anything in my life if I keep on this serial consumer mentality??

Woah this has become a really long blog. I hate having to read long-everlasting-blogs like this one, so I'll save my thoughts for another day.

Peace up! (A-town down!)
xox
Lauren